I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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