question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
