I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
