Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
