I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
