I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
