This is not my ceiling
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
