Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
