I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
