i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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