This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
