After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
