he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
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i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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