I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
