you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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