I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
