It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
