she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
