if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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