Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How naked do you want me to be?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
