I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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