Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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