I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
