Quick, to the slutcave!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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