i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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