are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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