I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
