also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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