dude i'm inner monologue high
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
