I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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