2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
