when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
