shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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