R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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