Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
