You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
