Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize