Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
