Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
