great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
