the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
