If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
