I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
