Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
