Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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