Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
