FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No...this little piggys going to the bar
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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