matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This is my gift to your gina
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
