I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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