Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
