this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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