We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love having hate sex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
