I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
