omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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