she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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