This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i think my cat just said my name.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
