My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
