Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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