Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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