im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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