Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
